North Korea Turns 'Bad Hair Days' Into Law

Long hair 'steals the brain's energy'

[Stalinist] North Korea has stepped up its campaign against long hair and untidy attire which its media says represents a "corrupt capitalist" lifestyle, reports said.

North Korean state television, radio and newspapers have led the grooming drive, urging people to cut their hair short and to dress tidily, the BBC said in a dispatch citing broadcasts from Pyongyang.

Men were asked to have crew cuts with hair growing up to five centimetres in a twice-a-month visit to the barber, it said.

Not only health and hygiene but also intelligence was cited by the North Korean media as reasons for the crackdown on appearance.

Pyongyang television noted long hair "consumes a great deal of nutrition" and could thus rob the brain of energy, according to the BBC.

But another serious reason came from state radio which said tidy attire "is important in repelling the enemies' maneuvers to infiltrate corrupt capitalist ideas and lifestyle" in North Korea, it said.

The ruling communist party newspaper, Rodong Sinmun, even warned inappropriate appearance under foreign influence could lead to national decay.

"People who wear other's style of dress and live in other's style will become fools and that nation will come to ruin," Rodong was cited as saying.

Some North Korean TV broadcasts adopted a hidden-camera style video of longhaired men on various locations throughout Pyongyang in an unprecedented break with their usual approach.

The program showed those who were not "in accordance with Socialist lifestyle" just run away or make excuses of being too busy to trim their hair.

I would normally have some guilt for quoting an entire article, but this is from Agence France-Presse (the French).

In reality, this has nothing to do with the western world, of course. The ban on long hair is probably caused by Kim Jung Il's personal feelings of insecurity, as Kim Jung is going bald. Kimmy is more concerned about his near-midgethood, as he stands at 5 feet two inches, but he grew his hair to add a few more inches to his appearance, which is already heightened by platform shoes.

So, Little Kimmy has proclaimed "If I can't have big hair, no one can have big hair, waaah!" (OK, the crying "waaah" might not have been said, but it can reasonably be implied). Tomorrow, he will have the shins of all adult males cut off. The feet will then be reattached to the knees. Kimmy doesn't have an afro (which descended from the word "Africa"), but he has something similar, so I'll call it the "asiafro". OK, now I'll get a bit serious now.

This has removed my suspicion that Kim Jung Il was faking his insanity to keep the rest of the world on its toes. After all, you can have predictable, relatively easy diplomacy with a calm and rational person. But, you never know what a nutcase will do, and you prefer to play it safe. Either Kim Jung Il will have to enter reality when his insecurity becomes too much for him and he changes his life, which is quite unlikely, or Kim will go even more nuts and, perhaps, even more secluded.


Well, you got the comedy and the point of the commentary: Kimmy is going bald and crazier than ever.