What should Osama do to get those ratings up?
The Alliance asks What should Osama do to get those ratings up?
First off, like all TV programs, he needs a theme song. I recommend a slight modification to Christina Aguilera's song "beautiful", so it goes as follows:
"I kill Americans every single day.. bombs strapped to my chest, oh oh oh
I kill Americans, the whole USA, with my suicide vest,
oh yeah, It really is the best"
(hat tip to Glenn Beck and his crew)
I bet you're asking "what show are you talking about?" Why, if you have a bunch of wanted terrorists in a cave, what other type of show could you have? I am talking about Survivor 218: Al-Qaieda Cave, of course! Like all other reality TV shows, this will have pathetic little games between the contestants, like "find water, so you can take your first bath since May 2003, and your stench won't give your position away". But, rather than granting the winner immunity, the loser has to leave the cave and forage for food. Of course, they are supposed to come back, but that's not likely, as US troops are hunting them down.
And, because Osama hates democracy, there are no votes to kick people out of the cave. The deaths of foragers should suffice to limit the cave population.
And how to fund this show, as Osama's bank accounts are closed? Osama can do infomercials for villainsupply.com (Internet Archive version, the original looked better). Why, he is the perfect person to pitch the Ex Al-Qaieda Cave that they recently added to the Bases & Lairs department (highlight page to see all text)!
And, of course, who would be better proof that a good terrorist needs a good lair, one with a proper bathroom and hair-care products.
Speaking of hair, Osama needs to remove the beard and that headrag, which looks like it came from Gilligan's Island. Then, Osama should put the beard-hair on his head, preferably with some glue, but not enough to turn the toupee into a solid entity like Donald Trump's hair. You may also need to make the camera slightly blurry to hide the obvious imperfections, but Americans expect cavemen (literally) to have some difficulty with a digital camera.
One thing that all reality shows have is hot chicks. OK, that might be a problem. May need to call in a favor from the Saudis, as they have tons of chicks hanging around the palaces, and they can easily be shipped to desolate parts of Afghanistan – they're chained up, after all.
Additionally, Osama can work out a book deal with the Mein Kampf Publishing Company.
First off, like all TV programs, he needs a theme song. I recommend a slight modification to Christina Aguilera's song "beautiful", so it goes as follows:
"I kill Americans every single day.. bombs strapped to my chest, oh oh oh
I kill Americans, the whole USA, with my suicide vest,
oh yeah, It really is the best"
(hat tip to Glenn Beck and his crew)
I bet you're asking "what show are you talking about?" Why, if you have a bunch of wanted terrorists in a cave, what other type of show could you have? I am talking about Survivor 218: Al-Qaieda Cave, of course! Like all other reality TV shows, this will have pathetic little games between the contestants, like "find water, so you can take your first bath since May 2003, and your stench won't give your position away". But, rather than granting the winner immunity, the loser has to leave the cave and forage for food. Of course, they are supposed to come back, but that's not likely, as US troops are hunting them down.
And, because Osama hates democracy, there are no votes to kick people out of the cave. The deaths of foragers should suffice to limit the cave population.
And how to fund this show, as Osama's bank accounts are closed? Osama can do infomercials for villainsupply.com (Internet Archive version, the original looked better). Why, he is the perfect person to pitch the Ex Al-Qaieda Cave that they recently added to the Bases & Lairs department (highlight page to see all text)!
And, of course, who would be better proof that a good terrorist needs a good lair, one with a proper bathroom and hair-care products.
Speaking of hair, Osama needs to remove the beard and that headrag, which looks like it came from Gilligan's Island. Then, Osama should put the beard-hair on his head, preferably with some glue, but not enough to turn the toupee into a solid entity like Donald Trump's hair. You may also need to make the camera slightly blurry to hide the obvious imperfections, but Americans expect cavemen (literally) to have some difficulty with a digital camera.
One thing that all reality shows have is hot chicks. OK, that might be a problem. May need to call in a favor from the Saudis, as they have tons of chicks hanging around the palaces, and they can easily be shipped to desolate parts of Afghanistan – they're chained up, after all.
Additionally, Osama can work out a book deal with the Mein Kampf Publishing Company.
posted by Chris at
10:49 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home