Revolutionary New Idea: Replace Machines With Humans

Ottawa Citizen article

Scientists have discovered a way of manipulating a gene that turns animals into drones that do not become bored with repetitive tasks. The experiments, conducted on monkeys, are the first to demonstrate that animal behavior can be permanently changed, turning the subjects from aggressive to "compliant" creatures.
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The experiments -- detailed in the journal Nature Neuroscience this month -- involved blocking the effect of a gene called D2 in a particular part of the brain. This cut off the link between the rhesus monkeys' motivation and reward.
Instead of speeding up with the approach of a deadline or the prospect of a "treat," the monkeys in the experiment could be made to work just as enthusiastically for long periods. The scientists say the identical technique would apply to humans.

News flash for the scientists: monkeys are stupid. Humans, on the other hand, are naturally greedy and have this thing called "being self-aware", which means humans can consciously use their brain (to some extent), and might insist on a reward for their hard work, anyway. Monkeys just learn a habit. In this case, the monkeys don't realize that they won't get a reward.

Congratulations to these scientists. They have managed to make monkeys stupider. Instead of dropping the monkeys on their heads when they are young, the scientists spent a lot of money and time to isolate and manipulate a "misled idiot" gene to greatly improve the chance of obtaining properly retarded monkeys.

This is exactly what humanity needs, isn’t it? Even dumber people with absolutely no ability to learn anything new.

They could have found a cure for baldness. But, apparently, science desperately needs a way to reliably and humanely retard monkeys.


And, just so you know, I have no idea what these scientists really did. I’m simply making this stuff up as I go. Maybe these scientists have found a universal cure for depression and ended inefficiency to greatly improve humanity’s desire for a better future. If this is the case, maybe they will get a Noble Prize. However, I find it comical to discuss the possibility of more-retarded monkeys. By the way, I have nothing against the mentally impaired/challenged/handicapped/handicapable. It is simply fun to joke about new scientific discoveries and theorize (technically, “hypothesize”) how useless they could be.