Top 100 things to do if I ever become a supervillian
Peter's Evil Overlord List. Read it, it is hilarious.
Some additional things:
101: I will hire at least one necrophiliac, and train them to kill the beautiful superagent that the rest of my guards refuse to harm.
102: I will not use AOL, even though I believe the company is also evil.
103: I will not respond to spam email, especially if they want a phone number or address; even more so if the spam company could be a front for the government
104: when I build my secret volcano lair, I will make sure that the volcano is and will remain dormant for decades
105: When my guards catch a government superagent, they will kill or incapacitate the agent on the spot, rather than show them every security system in the base on the way to the holding cells.
106: holding cells will not be made from the same material used for cubicles. If such material must be used, all cells will have 4 sides, rather than the traditional cubicle 3.
107: My secret island with my secret volcano lair will be just big enough for the lair, and not have enough room for government agents to sneak around. The island will also have no foliage.
108: I will not depend on government superagents to accidentally activate my doomsday weapons.
109: I will equip all my guards with conventional weapons before I waste all my money on a single hyper-plasma death-ray.
110: I will not give the best weapons to my most incompetent minions.
111: I will purchase ammunition or rechargers/battery packs/electromagnetically suspended plasma particles for my weapons, place the ammunition somewhere that the minions can reach when they need it, and tell my minions where the ammunition is.
112: my lair will have only one entrance/exit.
113: my lair will not operate with an "open door" policy
114: I will not have a normal, non-diabolical alter-ego to prance around in and get caught for drunk driving.
115: I will have a clone of myself made and checked for errors before I am horribly wounded and minutes from death.
116: if I can make more money by investing in legitimate industries, then I will do so.
117: I will find some insignificant underling, have them follow me everywhere, and call them "number 2". Meanwhile, my actual second in command is actually working, and the government agent will kill the insignificant underling thinking he is the second in command.
118: My lair will have no moving-floor traps, especially not slow ones
119: I will not hire physically or mentally disabled guards to apply for a tax break as a charity organization.
120: If I decide to cut through a captured superagent with a giant laser beam, I will start at the head and move down.
Some additional things:
101: I will hire at least one necrophiliac, and train them to kill the beautiful superagent that the rest of my guards refuse to harm.
102: I will not use AOL, even though I believe the company is also evil.
103: I will not respond to spam email, especially if they want a phone number or address; even more so if the spam company could be a front for the government
104: when I build my secret volcano lair, I will make sure that the volcano is and will remain dormant for decades
105: When my guards catch a government superagent, they will kill or incapacitate the agent on the spot, rather than show them every security system in the base on the way to the holding cells.
106: holding cells will not be made from the same material used for cubicles. If such material must be used, all cells will have 4 sides, rather than the traditional cubicle 3.
107: My secret island with my secret volcano lair will be just big enough for the lair, and not have enough room for government agents to sneak around. The island will also have no foliage.
108: I will not depend on government superagents to accidentally activate my doomsday weapons.
109: I will equip all my guards with conventional weapons before I waste all my money on a single hyper-plasma death-ray.
110: I will not give the best weapons to my most incompetent minions.
111: I will purchase ammunition or rechargers/battery packs/electromagnetically suspended plasma particles for my weapons, place the ammunition somewhere that the minions can reach when they need it, and tell my minions where the ammunition is.
112: my lair will have only one entrance/exit.
113: my lair will not operate with an "open door" policy
114: I will not have a normal, non-diabolical alter-ego to prance around in and get caught for drunk driving.
115: I will have a clone of myself made and checked for errors before I am horribly wounded and minutes from death.
116: if I can make more money by investing in legitimate industries, then I will do so.
117: I will find some insignificant underling, have them follow me everywhere, and call them "number 2". Meanwhile, my actual second in command is actually working, and the government agent will kill the insignificant underling thinking he is the second in command.
118: My lair will have no moving-floor traps, especially not slow ones
119: I will not hire physically or mentally disabled guards to apply for a tax break as a charity organization.
120: If I decide to cut through a captured superagent with a giant laser beam, I will start at the head and move down.
posted by Chris at
12:02 AM
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