John Ratbrain (I mean McCain) and Foulghoul (I mean Feingold) want internet to suffer from Election Finance Reform failure
John Ratbrain (I mean McCain) and Foulghoul (I mean Feingold) want internet to suffer from Election Finance Reform failure
Yes, McCrackhead and his just-as-dumb compadre want to extend the McCain-Feingold bill to censor websites, especially blogs and, probably, mainstream news websites like CNN.com or NYTimes.com. Here is a Captain's Quarters article for your reading pleasure.
In short, it may be illegal to: link to a campaign website; support a candidate in a way that causes or encourages other to make donations to that candidate; and republish any campaign literature in the form of a private mailing list or by posting it on a blog. And that's just for starters. It may also be illegal to: mention any political candidate or party on a blog, or over the internet as a whole; encourage participation in politics by asking readers to vote or by mentioning politics at all because that would remind readers that they can vote in the US; reference any other news material that mentions politics; acknowledge the existence of politics in the US, or elsewhere; use innuendo to discus a candidate, or phrases that can be interpreted as innuendo (for example, "I have to go to the bathroom" is not allowed, because it means the same thing as "I have to go to the john", a blatant, obvious, and unforgivable endorsement of John Kerry). In short, it will be illegal to blog. A ban of speaking in public will soon follow. And, just to cover all bases, McCain will also ban the following: telepathy, hand signals (including sign language, disabilities are not excuses to break the "no opinions" law), flag signals, morse code through any medium, waving "hello" or "goodbye", winking, nodding, breathing in a way that can display exasperation or any other state of mankind, falling onto or through anything, throwing darts at a board that does not allow the same number of points no matter where the dart lands, playing pool (unless all the balls are unmarked), playing any sport where different uniforms or player numbers are used, or making any gesture which implies a need of assistance (such as grabbing your throat and turning blue, which is obviously intended to make fun of the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal). Because baseball will be banned, and there will be no more bases that McCain can claim to cover, he will just execute everyone capable of independent thought, because they will have opinions which can be expressed – opinions that can help or hurt some political campaign.
Once McCain has killed us all for expressing our political opinions, the world will be a happy, non-partisan place, and everyone will have fluffy white puppies that are housebroken from birth – not that they'd actually take a dump, as that would be akin to speaking about John McCain. The puppies that do need to act as nature intended will be shot. Puppy cloning will become the world's largest industry, as the average puppy will live for less than a day.
I think I've exaggerated enough, and I sent an email to McCain yesterday. Your turn; we really need to drill this in. Maybe, if we're incredibly lucky, the US government will realize that the internet will ignore any government regulation – just look at spyware and spam. The government should go after the corporations that fund spyware; the spyware companies will fall as a result, and there will be no replacements.
And, if McCain's already-failed reform gets extended, blogs will be hosted from the Netherlands or Canada; they won't disappear, "not like this" (From the first Matrix, when the traitor inside Morpheus's ship is disconnecting everyone, but is killed before he can get Neo and Trinity). The quote applies well.
Yes, McCrackhead and his just-as-dumb compadre want to extend the McCain-Feingold bill to censor websites, especially blogs and, probably, mainstream news websites like CNN.com or NYTimes.com. Here is a Captain's Quarters article for your reading pleasure.
In short, it may be illegal to: link to a campaign website; support a candidate in a way that causes or encourages other to make donations to that candidate; and republish any campaign literature in the form of a private mailing list or by posting it on a blog. And that's just for starters. It may also be illegal to: mention any political candidate or party on a blog, or over the internet as a whole; encourage participation in politics by asking readers to vote or by mentioning politics at all because that would remind readers that they can vote in the US; reference any other news material that mentions politics; acknowledge the existence of politics in the US, or elsewhere; use innuendo to discus a candidate, or phrases that can be interpreted as innuendo (for example, "I have to go to the bathroom" is not allowed, because it means the same thing as "I have to go to the john", a blatant, obvious, and unforgivable endorsement of John Kerry). In short, it will be illegal to blog. A ban of speaking in public will soon follow. And, just to cover all bases, McCain will also ban the following: telepathy, hand signals (including sign language, disabilities are not excuses to break the "no opinions" law), flag signals, morse code through any medium, waving "hello" or "goodbye", winking, nodding, breathing in a way that can display exasperation or any other state of mankind, falling onto or through anything, throwing darts at a board that does not allow the same number of points no matter where the dart lands, playing pool (unless all the balls are unmarked), playing any sport where different uniforms or player numbers are used, or making any gesture which implies a need of assistance (such as grabbing your throat and turning blue, which is obviously intended to make fun of the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal). Because baseball will be banned, and there will be no more bases that McCain can claim to cover, he will just execute everyone capable of independent thought, because they will have opinions which can be expressed – opinions that can help or hurt some political campaign.
Once McCain has killed us all for expressing our political opinions, the world will be a happy, non-partisan place, and everyone will have fluffy white puppies that are housebroken from birth – not that they'd actually take a dump, as that would be akin to speaking about John McCain. The puppies that do need to act as nature intended will be shot. Puppy cloning will become the world's largest industry, as the average puppy will live for less than a day.
I think I've exaggerated enough, and I sent an email to McCain yesterday. Your turn; we really need to drill this in. Maybe, if we're incredibly lucky, the US government will realize that the internet will ignore any government regulation – just look at spyware and spam. The government should go after the corporations that fund spyware; the spyware companies will fall as a result, and there will be no replacements.
And, if McCain's already-failed reform gets extended, blogs will be hosted from the Netherlands or Canada; they won't disappear, "not like this" (From the first Matrix, when the traitor inside Morpheus's ship is disconnecting everyone, but is killed before he can get Neo and Trinity). The quote applies well.
posted by Chris at
12:18 PM
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