From what I hear, many parents don't really know what to get for their teenage kid. To me, it seems somewhat obvious, but I'm in the receiving end of the demographic. So, I'm making a list of the things that teenage guys, like me, should want (unless they're gay, in which case you get them the playboy channel and an expensive prostitute to convert them back).
Part I: the stuff they really want but don't really want to tell you:
1:
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Calendar. Or another similar calendar, as long as it has good pictures of hot chicks. Some say the Sports Illustrated calendar has fallen behind; I agree that they have included less-than-par pictures (December 2003 was a bad image of a good model, though the 2003 calendar was overall quite good. 2004 was fair; great models, average pictures, so it really could have been better), but most teenage guys care only about the models—and how much they see of them—so the calendar is a good choice. Quite cheap, also. However, I've heard some great things about a
Girls of Europe calendar, which may be far better than Sport's Illustrated. If I have to choose between the two, I'd go with the European chicks, because Sports Illustrated might keep dropping (in quality, not necessarily morality, but maybe both) in 2005.
That's about it for this section. Well, there's a lot more the kid will want, but it's not like you'd buy it for them.
Part II: computers, computer hardware, and game systems:
1: there are 3 major game systems;
Xbox, Playstation 2, and Gamecube. And, that order is probably the best ranking of the systems. For any of these game systems, by an extra controller (that thing you hold while playing the games) or two. Both Xbox and Playstation 2 can play DVD's. The Xbox seems to be a great all-around console, but I've heard people say that Playstation 2 is better with racing games. If your kid has none of these three systems (or only a Gamecube, the poor soul), et an Xbox.
Also, don't buy all three systems in one year, you'll spoil them way too much.
2: computers and hardware. As parents, you probably think of Home Depot when I say "hardware". Don't go to Home Depot for your kid, go to Home Depot for yourself/husband, as the kid probably doesn't want new linoleum flooring.
A: For a top-of-the-line gaming computer, there is really only one company;
Alienware. You will almost certainly need to get a desktop PC or a laptop/notebook PC (laptop and notebook are the same thing, really, and the term "laptop" is just used because people are accustomed to the word). The basic computers are good, and quite inexpensive for the hardware that they include, but you don't want to get the kid the basic model. With prices in mind, I went
here and made a few changes; this is one of the great things about Alienware, they really let you customize what you get.
Here is what I choose for an overall great, yet inexpensive, system: 2 year support, Windows XP Home Edition (default selection), ask your kid what color computer they may want (color doesn't cost anything extra, unless they upgrade the options. Some of the colors can cost $150+, but you have to see the colors to understand why), no cable management system (default), 480 watt power supply (default), no heavy duty power cable, Intel Pentium 4 Processor 530 w/ HT Technology 3.0GHz 1MB Cache, the only motherboard they offer (motherboard is mandatory for all computers, it's effectively the spine of a computer system), 1GB Dual Channel DDR2 SDRAM at 533MHz - 2 x 512MB, ATI Radeon X300 graphics card (great, new card. You can upgrade to the X600 or GeForce 6600 if you want, without huge price changes, but I'd recommend sticking with the ATI Radeon type cards, as the company is slightly better), AlienAdrenaline video performance optimizer, AlienIce Video cooling system (color is up to you. A cooled computer runs better, faster, and won't break as soon, so a good cooling system is usually a great deal), 120 GB Seagate system drive (also called "harddrive", but the term is not important), no extra storage, NEC ND-3500 optical drive, the Lite-on 52x35x52 optical drive two, pick your own blank media (it's a stack of CD's, a 10-pack is fine, nothing flashy), Creative Sound Blaster Audigy 2 ZS High Definition 7.1 Surround Firewire (IEEE 1394), US Robotics modem, and finally AlienAutopsy automated support.
That should be at about $1,712, which is close to the price you'd pay for a good, new computer at best Buy or Circuit City. However, the computers at Best Buy and Circuit City will rarely have all the hardware included on this one (most will mix some modern hardware with slightly-outdated hardware, so they have something to advertise but keep the price down). Alienware is also said to have good customer service, and their computers do something that few others do: they work properly right out of the box. On my (sadly, non-Alienware) computers, every single part has broken, and a lot of the hardware was nearly incompatible with some of the newest items they included for advertising value. A great graphics card and mediocre sound card are, in fact, not compatible to most gamers, because games that will work with the graphics card will crash when trying to use the sound card. Thus, one sub-par piece of hardware can cause problems with an otherwise perfect (and expensive) computer system. So, get an alienware computer, and it shouldn't need any upgrades or repairs for at east a year (I can tell you how to get rid of viruses and adware later. Those things are some of the biggest computer-killers). Alienware always includes a form of Windows XP (usually recently upgraded, which most companies won't do. The upgrades make the computer much better and crash-resistant). Windows XP is the best form of Windows, and Windows 2000 comes in second. Third is probably Windows 98. Avoid Windows ME (Millennium Addition) like the plague, because it seems to be a manifestation of all the Y2K problems that people feared. Seriously, Windows ME can barely function at all, is incredibly susceptible to every problem, and is universally hated by the tech-savvy type.
B: Now, for hardware. Just about every hardware item listed as under the "what options to get" segment of the above is good hardware. If it doesn't include the word "alien", but does have some numbers and letter combinations that you don't understand, it's probably hardware. I'll give you a breakdown of the most common, and upgradable hardware:
RAM. This stands for "random access memory", and it allows a computer to run faster and smoother. If you want to upgrade RAM, tell the kid you will buy the new RAM for their computer, and let them pick it out. RAM is too complicated for most parents to get right. This is because there are several different types of RAM (some far better than others), and RAM is one of few cards that you should buy several of. Be ready to spend somewhere between $150 and $250, if the kid is good with computers and knows how to find the right RAM (if he's 14 or older, he probably will).
Graphics cards: these are the things that make the image on the computer screen look nice. They are also the things that present 3D environments, complete with shadows, lighting, and special effects (waves in water, fires, smoke, ect). Sound techy and tough? Good, because it is, that's why graphics cards are expensive, and important. The better the game, the better the graphics in the game; and the better the graphics card must be for the game to run properly. Bad graphics card = game crashes = gaming computer can no longer run game, and thus is obsolete. Now, if you want to get your kid a graphics card, you will also need to let him pick it out, but you can tell him what type of graphics card you are willing to buy him. Naturally, better graphics cards cost more, and the better graphics cards are the more recent ones.
ATI Radeon and Geforce are the leading companies, for good reason, and you should probably limit your shopping to these companies. For ATI Radeon, look for the stuff that has a 9 leading the four digits (the digits represent the card model, but they don't increase from 1 to 2 to 3 ect, they increase based on how good the company wants to claim the card is. The higher the number, the better the card, usually). The 9600s, 9700s, and 9800s should be quite good. Also, the ATI Radion X300s, x600s, ect, seem newer, and might be slightly better. Get a card that says "128 MB", or even more MB, if you want to spend a lot more.
Nvidia Geforce is doing well with its cards, too. For these cards, get a FX 5700 or later (5800 should be good, higher numbers are great, but more expensive). Avoid the cards that say MX, because those are earlier models, by far. Early models = well below par = obsolete = unhappy kid. Also, make sure the card says "128 MB" (or more) somewhere.
You will need to let the kid pick out the exact card, because there are several different ways that a card can connect to the computer. Cards that connect in different ways may have different model numbers, but not by much, and they should have similar performance, and the cost difference shouldn't be more than $20. Some connections are a bit better than others, but you let your kid pick the card out because you want the new card to use the same slot that the old card did (usually). You really don't want to buy a card for one slot type, then find out that all those slots are being used by other cards (modem, sound card, that type of thing).
C: Sound cards: again, let your kid pick out the specific model, but have a price range in mind. $80 to $180 is usually good, but really depends on how good of a sound card the kid wants. A good sound card and computer speaker/stereo setup can replace a stereo system. So, if you're thinking about buying an expensive stereo for your son, you might be able to get away with a $150+ sound card and a $120+ speaker system, and kill two birds with one stone.
D: Screens. LCD is God. LCD is also that flat type which doesn't kill your eyes, and it happens to be the type of screen that your kid really wants, if you were mean and didn't get it for him by now. The bigger, the better.
This should be a great screen, I have the
17-inch version and love it. The MAG monitors are, however, slightly too bright, but they can be adjusted. Best Buy or Circuit City should have a good 17-inch+ monitor for less than $300, but they won't be the most recent model. The most recent models are usually too expensive, and I don't really think that 6 or so months makes a huge difference for computer screens.
E: Speakers. Speakers usually come in pairs or sets of 5 (4 normal speakers, 1 subwoofer, which makes the bass (really low-pitched sound)). Sometimes, they come in sets of 6, but those are just the set of 5 plus one normal speaker. If you buy or have a great sound card, buy great speakers. Great speakers with a bad sound card sound almost the same as bad speakers with a bad sound card; while bad speakers with a great sound card sound like bad speakers with a bad sound card. Thus, the price of speakers ought to be similar to the price of the sound card.
Among the best of the 2-per-set are Bose, which cost around $100, or $200+ for their most recent model. A good set of 2 can cost $50 to $80.
Sets of 5 are $150 an up, usually above $180. These are the things that can replace an independent stereo system, if the sound card is good enough. A set of 6 will probably be $200 or more, but I honestly don't know how much that extra speaker is worth.
For a set of 2, pick the
Bose. Bose also offers a
set of two with a subwoofer, if you want to buy something really nice.
F: A computer seem slightly too pricy? One grammatically-incorrect word: iPod. From somewhere between $300 and $100, you can buy these little things that can hold an archive of music. They just might go perfectly with a Bose headphone. By the way, you may also want to work with something called iTunes, which lets you legally buy songs online, for around $2.99 to $.99 each. If your kid can be trusted with your credit card number, then there should be no problem.
G: There is one final piece of hardware that a computer needs: internet connection. If your house has only one phone line, and your kid's internet time is limited to whenever you're not expecting a call, you're practically abusing your child. Bastard. The cheapest solution to this is to get a separate phone line, but that's like walking with crutches, while the single phone line was a wheelchair. Not good crutches, either, these are the type people laugh at. Do you really want your kid to experience that type of trauma?
To help ensure a good childhood, you need to get a high-speed line. DSL is the most common type (and cheapest), and is several times faster than a 56k modem (what you probably have if you use the plain phone line for the internet). Cable internet is even faster, without much extra cost, but you have to avoid one specific company: Time Warner. Time Warner is all that is evil in the world, and I'm not joking. They settled a court case with the SEC (Security and Exchange Commission, or something like that) for $750 million, allegedly for "accounting irregularities". Those "irregularities" are actually theft by constructing a system that would illegally double-bill tens or hundreds of thousands of people, and still charging for services long after those services were cancelled. If you are actually able to cancel any AOL/Time Warner service, consider yourself very lucky, and don't try to press that luck.
If you can get both DSL and a non-Time-Warner cable connection, the choice between them is up to you. Cable is faster, but a bit more expensive.
If you can get neither, there is a final, though very expensive, option: satellite internet. This can cost around $700 to install, and about $80 per month. With Satellite, you can download things very quickly, but upload speed is around the same as with a 56k modem (upload is what you send, download is what you receive. When you want to visit a website, you upload that web address to the internet service provider, then download the website from that internet service provider. You download more than you upload, unless you're running a website of your own, in which case you should already have a great internet connection). Also, satellite internet can have some of the same problems as satellite TV; goes out when it rains, might get some errors due to radiation from the sun, and stuff like that. I forgive you if you don't want to pay for satellite internet, but make sure you try to get DSL or non-Time Warner cable as soon as possible.
Part III: games. These are what you put onto that really expensive computer you just bought/upgraded. Fortunately, games are cheaper than the computer.
A: if you bought an Xbox, pat yourself on the back, and reach for the wallet while you're at it. With the Xbox, you MUST get Halo 2. On the first day after release, this game sold about $100 million worth. That beats any movie ever made, if my memory is correct.
For any other games, you can actually buy based on prices. The best games cost more (about $50 to $44.99), while the not-so-good/old stick around $30, and the bad are $19.99 and below. Stay with the first of those categories. The games tend to come in two main categories: sports and 1st-person shooter. Find out what your kid likes, and buy accordingly. If you don't know, find out what they watch on TV. If they watch sports, buy the sports games (especially games for the sport they like to watch). If most of the movies you have are the James Bond/martial arts/military/violent type, get the shooter games.
Not really sure which exact game to get, and don't want to buy them all? Go to a crowded store. There's a good chance that you can ask someone a few years older than your kid what to get. If you're a hot mom, they will definitely answer. Also, if there's someone a few years younger than your kid, or about the same age, shouting "mommy mommy, I want this one!" and the mom says "no, that's to violent", get the game. Violence in computer and video games is completely different from movie violence, and games are being ranked far harsher than movies. If it's in a popular store (not a Hustler or Playboy store, mind you), then it's almost certainly safe for a guy who is at least 14-years old.
If you really can't decide between sports and shooter games, get a Grand Theft Auto (San Andreas is the most recent, but Grand Theft Auto 3 isn't too old).
And, if you are having difficulty distinguishing between new and old games, check the back of the box. At the bottom, where that fine print is. Look at the copyright date. 2004 is great/good, 2003 is good/fair, and anything older is probably bad.
B: Computer games. These have different categories: action/adventure/shooter and strategy/simulation. The action type is similar to the shooter of video games, but there are quite a few differences between the two, mainly because computers require a keyboard and mouse (and sometimes a joystick), rather than a single little controller. You can probably ignore the differences. The strategy/simulation type of game is rather non-violent, but still doesn't really depend on intelligence, no matter what anyone may claim.
Top titles for action and whatnot: Doom 3, Half Life 2, Call of Duty (get the original and the expansion pack. Just the original is a bit old, and the expansion pack won't work without the original), Sid Meier's Pirates!, and maybe a Lord of the Rings: Battle for Middle Earth. Not everything in the Amazon.com Action/adventure section is really action/adventure, so take some care when shopping.
Top titles for strategy/simulation: The Sims 2 (make sure you get this exact title, as there are about 10 things with "The Sims" in the title), Sid Meier's Pirates!, Zoo Tycoon 2, Rollercoaster Tycoon 3, and Rome: Total War.
Some old but fairly popular games are SimCity 4 Deluxe (must have the 4 and Deluxe in the title), Age of Mythology, and Civilization 3 plus the Conquests expansion pack (probably sold separately).
Part IV: Some bling-bling. "bling-bling" often means "jewelry", but refers specifically to the flashy type; like those large gold chains or the stuff people in rap music videos wear. Now, don't buy what you see on TV, because you're kids tastes are probably specific. For this category, "bling-bling" will refer to any common item that has been turned into something much more expensive, or made to look as though it is far more expensive (those gold chains aren’t really gold, you know).
A: Personally, I was overjoyed to get a Seiko watch a few years ago. Of course, I picked the watch out, but my entire birthday cost around $350, while my sister can double that cost within a few minutes. The watch itself cost only about $250, but my mother thought, for some unexplainable reason, that she should get me a robe and pair of sweat pants. Make a note: do not get your son a robe and pair of sweat pants (unless he asks for it, in which case you should follow the "if your son is gay" instructions at the top of this post), or he may have the other parent buy something far more expensive than what was otherwise planned. If the kid really wants a nice watch, maybe you could get it for him, as long as he is responsible enough not to lose it.
B: this is if you are willing to spend a lot of money: a car. Guys want a car that will go fast, and is made to look like it will go fast. Really fast. Ferrari-type fast, if you are actually willing to spend that much (though I discourage it. A Ferrari as a first car is a bit much). Or, maybe they might like an SUV, because it's big. Anyway, you're probably going to let your kid pick the car, just give them some price range.
C: cell phone, pocket PC, or something of that type. If you get your son a cell phone, get him one that looks nice. If you find a way that the cellphone can match the car's colors, that might be great, just make sure the son wouldn't hate the phone before you buy it. Buy a pocket PC only if your son wants one, because the things really have little use, because iPod's are better with music and memory cards allow pocket PC's to be circumvented entirely (don't bother with memory cards, unless your kid actually says he wants one. Let him pick it out, because the things are techy and are fairly new).
D: TV. Big. If possible, flat. And satellite. Many channels. HBO's, Cinemax's, some ESPN's, and Playboy (What, it's Christmas! OK, fine, maybe not Playboy). Enough said.
E: paintball gun. Still popular. Let the kid pick it out, and sleep with one eye open. Nah, you don't have to sleep with one eye open. The paint would hurt your eye. You just need to wear goggles.
Part V: there is a chance that the kid, if he's well into highschool, wants books. And not necessarily fiction or popular books, he may want something on topics like political theory, military strategy, and economics. To be honest, books on those topics are the vast majority of my wish-list.
Here's what you do. Get them onto Amazon.com, and tell them to add the books they want to the shopping cart. Put some limit on the price (books can get expensive really fast. In fact, a single book on macroeconomics can cost over $100; actually, that's most books on macroeconomics). So, the kid will do some research into the books to make sure he gets the type he wants; a conservative probably won't want anything by Michael Moore or Noam Chomsky (if you kid is on the right wing and actually likes international relations theory, get Politics Among Nations by Hans J. Morgenthau and The Tragedy of Great Power Politics by John J. Mearsheimer, by the way). When he's done, make sure he didn't include any Playboy subscriptions in the shopping cart (if he can get away with it, he probably will try), and buy the stuff. You can't get non-pop-culture books at most bookstores; I've tried.
And before I forget, I need to tell you how to get adware and viruses off a computer. To get rid of adware, go to http://www.lavasoftusa.com/ and download the personal edition. It's free (actually free, no strings attached). Update the program, and scan the computer. It pretty much tells you what to do.
For viruses, it's almost the same thing, but you go to http://www.grisoft.com/us/us_index.php instead. Download the AVG (anti-virus guard, or something like that), and the software will either tell you what to do or do everything itself.